Tornado Party...Yee Haw!

As most of you are aware, a tornado (?) came through the area Thursday night, nearly interrupting Grey's Anatomy (whew!!). When Taylor and I caught word, we started calling loved ones and invited those nearby to join us, if needed, in the basement. I called our friend, Lisa, in Piketon to make her aware and I was amazed by her calm! I mean, she never gets worked up about anything, and that includes, apparently, cyclones as well. When I told Lisa that my parents, neighbors, and friends, Dave, Kendra, Isaiah, were at my home, she replied, "well, you all are just having a little tornado party...!" (how dare she make me laugh in the face of tragedy:)) Taylor, on the other hand, looked at me and said, "mom, I'm gonna vomit." Taylor has been deathly afraid of storms since she was younger...the sirens put her over the edge.

Lisa: no fear. Taylor: fear exemplified.
And I began to wonder about the scripture, I John 4:17-18:

"If we truly love others and live as Christ did in this world, we won't be worried about the day of judgment. A real love for others will chase those worries away. The thought of being punished is what makes us afraid. It shows that we have not really learned to love."

I still struggle with fear, but not too long ago, I was able to share my shame with a few of my closest friends, and they (appear) to still love me. When I did that, I saw that a lot of my fear had left me; they loved me through my confession with God's perfect love and have not abandoned me.

The laws of physics talk about the simple concept of inpenetrability: no two things can occupy the same space at the same time. FEAR VS. LOVE...hmmm.

What do you fear? I'd like to know your thoughts.

"She Just Wants to Dance" -Keb 'Mo

"When the music starts to playin'
She slides out on the floor
Dancing without a partner
Swaying on the two & four

There's a rhythm in her footsteps
And a flower in her hair
A smile on her face
'Cause she's in a place
Where she don´t have a care

She ain't looking for no lover
She ain't looking for a romance
She just wants to dance
She just wants to dance
...Get out the way & let the girl dance."

In the past two years, I've asked friends to "re-teach" me things (ie, safety/normalcy in relationships, boundaries, being okay with myself, understanding I'm not at other's 'beck-and-call"---and to those friends, you have saved my life). Taylor taught me something huge the other night at the wedding reception of our friends, Jimmy & Michaela. As I watched my daughter move and dance in the craziest ways, I found myself admiring her ability to live in the moment regardless of pointing, laughter, and stares. I did not tell her to stop for fear of embarrassment; I wasn't embarrassed...I was in awe.

When do we lose that? Or rather, I should be asking why?

Taylor, you are beautiful!
-juj

This, that, and the other...

Sayings…we all have them…words or phrases we repeat, either out of habit or just to be funny. Around the office, I call it “hen-talk” and, while they are completely insider, I still wanted to share them.

“I’m not very happy ‘bout that.”
“Mornin’ glory!”
“Whad-da-ya gonna do…I don’t know.”
“Your bootifull.”
“Hey babygirl.”
ANYTHING FOLLOWED BY “…he did.”
“woosa”
“you sexy beast”

As for Taylor and I… “float me some fingers!”
-juj

More than a grandfather

Hello everyone. As you may know, my grandfather passed away back in October of 2006. It was very unexpected and took all of us my surprise. Which, falling off of a 3 foot ladder would catch you off guard. I am so proud of my Grandma Sue because she is doing so well. And I will tell you, when I walked in through my grndmas door on Christmas morning I knew somthing was missing. But then I remmembered what my friends had told me "He is still here, you just cannot see him." I completely agree with this statment.
Now when I think of my grandfather, he is not a grandfather to me anymore. Now I realize that he was a best friend that I lost. Somtimes I wish i could go back to the week before he died, just to spend some time with him. I woould give anything to do that. I can now only take comfort in the fact that I will see him again one day in Heaven. Untill than he will just have to keep my seat warm for me.

Holy Examen of Conscience, Batman.

i have made the leap into 'middle age'. a friend of mine and i talk about having a "10 year rule": we like to think that we (maybe) look and act at least 10 years younger than our age. it's a nice thought.

about a month or so ago, steve (my pastor) asked me to speak about the practice of examen of conscience/consciousness, in light of psalm 139. in a nutshell, you are to simply give thanks to god for his presence (whether noticed or not) in your day, and then, ask god to point out character that is not representative of christ (moving beyond obtuse sins to those that are more secretive/hidden). so i decided to "examen" the 30's decade of my life in such a manner.

details...i'd rather not bore you with, and those that have joined me on the journey are aware of those nonetheless. the path is riddled with relational ups and downs; the word dysfunction took on a new meaning as my sins and choices (and the choices of those around me) yielded consequences that tangibly now affect my daughter. but god is one who does give us beauty for ashes. and while one of my greatest concerns is for the emotional health of taylor, when i "examen" the last decade, i have missed god's protection of her...rather, i have taken it for granted.

i am always amazed at how paths cross and how god interjects conversations, laughter, tears, and truth into our lives using old and new friends. i imagine god as the consummate chess player; i don't often understand the strategy. but "examen" challenges me to at least look for it and embrace it.

a fellow-path-traveler once told me, "i pray god's lenses for you today."
i pray the same for you as well.