answering THE question:

I was speaking with my best friend the other day. We were talking about this path of life and the meaning of it all. She told me that her pastor shared last Sunday morning that we all have a question that God has placed within us that needs to be answered. I told her that sounds like “City Slickers-theology" (at which she balked at said notion)…case in point:

Curly: Do you know what the secret of life is? [holds up one finger]
Curly: This.
Mitch: Your finger?
Curly: One thing. Just one thing. You stick to that and the rest don't mean s***.
Mitch: But, what is the "one thing?"
Curly: [smiles] That's what *you* have to find out.

So as we processed this idea, we both realized we have a dilemma: we are not even sure what the question is (for either of us). How does one provide an answer when the question is unknown? I have a guess as to what the question is, but how do I know if it’s the right one?

Steve stated in his message few weeks ago that spirituality manifests itself from the inside out, not outside in. I assume then, that it’s not the outward stuff God wants me to deal with (ie: changing my looks-if I could, mannerisms, etc) but rather it’s the stuff of the soul. I struggle with forgiving myself for a million different things…probably because I am powerless to change the past…and that ‘falling short’ thing bugs me a lot. And so I realize that my intimacy wall remains in tact (although a few bricks have fallen)…and because of the wall God is shouting his question (but I can only faintly hear it), “Why won’t you let Me love you?”

It’s funny, ironic—the answer is painful, but He would provide such relief, if I let Him.

Authorization at 2:55 am

My phone rang loudly this morning at 2:55 am. I panicked, thinking that there must be an emergency somewhere. To my horror, it was an ADT alarm systems rep asking to speak with a Julie Evans. I asked, “why in the world are you calling me at 2:30 am (i guessed)?!.” The operator replies, “I am authorized to call you at this time.” I freaked out. “Don’t ever call this number again,” I replied…to which she said, “you’d rather be called between 9:00 am and 5:00 pm?” I was ready to kill…seriously, I was so angry—but I had enough sense about me to say, “add me to your freakin’ ‘do not call’ list right now!” I then hung up. I could not sleep without thinking of notifying “Six on Your Side” (WSYX) and having them investigate. And by the way…the individual spoke perfect English. She was not some lady working ridiculous hours overseas as a telemarketer.

Fuming, I am.